Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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