In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
