It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
