the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize