just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
