so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
