I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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