please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize