Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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