I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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