Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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