I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
