Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
