honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
