i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
