grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
