so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
