Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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