i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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