She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
