I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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