bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
