Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Your penis caused this!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
