Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
