When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I want a musical about memes.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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