I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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