I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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