yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
