i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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