you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
someone owes me an orgasm
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
