the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize