my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
