i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
