are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize