Duck Duck Cougar?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
