he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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