Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize