I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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