you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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