So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
