I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize