you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
