When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
