My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
