ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I AM VODKA MAN
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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