Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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