He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
