I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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