My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
