Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
