Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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