Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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