We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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