you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Four minutes until I can fart!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
