I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
