I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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