He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
