I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
