My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
