You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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