my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
