The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
