I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
