I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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