I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
