I cannot find my penis.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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