I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I deserve this hangover.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
