if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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