you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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