No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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