so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
