my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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