dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
