The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize