there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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