Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
