I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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