He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
