I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
