There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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