If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
