i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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