We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
