I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
