did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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