Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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