you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
