I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize