Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I would fuck him just for his dog
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
