hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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