I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
