low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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