What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
