Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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