a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
